Reality Ranker

On this week’s Tool Academy, the tools and their mates have to face their friends and family. The tool-mates have to show their loved ones how pathetic they are to stay with their tool. Similarly, the tools have to show their family the levels of their toolitude. In addition, as in previous seasons of Tool Academy, the tools and toolmates have to take care of a “baby.” It’s interesting this year that the tools did not get fetal pigs, but were stuck with plastic babies. Are they tools to heinous to be trusted with animals? This week there will be double list: ranking the lack of guilt shown in front of the parents and the parenting skills of the tools.

Lack of Guilt

3. Jacob Tapia

This Week's Angel

What has happened this week? I mean seriously Jacob broke down and cried. Were my eyes deceiving me? Since hell has frozen over, Jacob has become the front runner on the show. When he cried, he finally showed that he regrets what he has become. I guess good job?

2.Angelo Giannakos

Teary Tool did not disappoint and let the water works begin even before his horrid video was shown. His poor parents, their lack of English hurts their ability to communicate with Angelo. If he speaks Greek, he sure wasn’t helping them understand. He did his usual crying, but it’s starting to be unclear if all of the crying is just an act.

1. Jennavecia Russo

Actual MySpace Caption: Bend over BITCH...Take it like a MAN!

WOW! I can’t believe that this woman has not changed one bit. In previous episodes, she seemed to be maturing, but based on her behavior with her brothel-owning mother, she hasn’t. Instead of facing her problems, she and her family chose to laugh it all off. I like to cheat-hahahaha! Then, why are you even trying at Tool Academy? It was just perplexing.

Best Parents

3. Jennavecia

She is a model of a mother. Petty jealousy over who can take care of a fake baby makes perfect sense. Acting like a fool, cussing, and fighting around your baby are all the things I want to do as a mother. Thank you Jennavecia for your high standards.

2. Angelo

While not as bad, he and Dayna also engaged in bad behavior around their child. Throwing plates is not the best thing to do while holding a baby.

1. Jacob

Again, I’m awestruck, dumbfounded, and I can’t write any more words that can express my shock over this transformation. The winner at this point seems to be a done deal.

Special Note about the ousted Jennavecia: After poking around on the internet, I saw that this is her 2nd reality show.I’m surprised I hadn’t noticed it before. She was on Bad Girls Club 2 with Tanisha Thomas, who is now on Celebrity Fit Club. I’m always intrigued about the crossover reality TV star phenomenon. On the major networks like ABC, crossover is seen as a good thing, but on the cable shows, it is rarely mentioned, unless like Tanisha another show has made you a “celebrity.” One last note, Kyle is a pathetic excuse for a man. That was one of the worst “get in the limo” scenes that I have seen this season. UGH!!

Tonight’s Tool Academy was about trust. It brought us (say in a deep voice) “The Human Lie Detector Test.” She wonderfully revealed the lies that are still spewing from some of the remaining 4 tools’ mouths. Now, I’m not sure if the human lie detector is more effective than the machine, but it nicely switches up the cliched lie detector episode. Too bad that I forgot to write about that one in yesterday’s post.

Before “The Human Lie Detector Test,” the tool’s discussion about the test was pretty amusing. All of them were scared. If you don’t have anything to hide, then there should not be any fears. These tools were shaking in their boots. It was great to see stupid Kevin try to figure out how he was going to lie. Squirm Kevin squirm!

The Worst Liars are:

3. Kevin Craft and Angelo Giannakos

Obviously, these guys do not qualify as the worst liars. It was hilarious to see Dayna hug Angelo after finding out that he had not slept with any of her friends. Good Job Angelo!! Not using condoms and banging random women became acceptable. As for Kevin, despite the editing that made it look like he was going to lie, he finally revealed his infidelity to his wife. I can’t believe he was eliminated. Ughh!! That was the wrong choice. It means I have to go another week watching Jacob.

2. Jennavecia Russo

Her lie seemed pretty minor. Many women would say that they enjoy their sex lives, even though there might be issues. It’s understandable that she felt uncomfortable revealing a sexual problem to Kyle.

1. Jacob

After his pathetic performance, he should be called Compulsive Liar Tool. His comment, “I’m so thankful the truth came out,” was pretty hilarious, since he lied through most of “The Human Lie Detector Test.” His little lies show so much about him. Jacob  is not there to really change. He’s there to play the game, which he’s not even good at doing. He’s so lucky that he hasn’t been eliminated yet.

—Special News—

For the finale, Rachel, the girlfriend of Jordan the Boy Band Tool will be co-writing a blog post with me. Rachel and I will be giving various awards to the tools and their girlfriends. Keep checking back to read this exciting post.

With Norie (the actual Reality Ranker) out of town for a few days, I’ve agreed to do a few guest posts.  And what a weekend to get that honor!  Today I had the pleasure of watching not one, but two episodes of Tool Academy 3.  Since we got to see two episodes today, I though it would be appropriate to do a double list.

Tool Academy 3 – Power Rankings

So, first things first: after the dust of two episodes settled, we were down to the final four, so it’s about time for a new power ranking.  Since the list is so small, I’ve decided to up the difficulty by also trying to predict whether or not the tool’s partner will stay or go.

4.  Kevin Craft

In previous years he wouldn’t have made it past the first couple of weeks.  This year, though, the Toolitude has been at an all time high, so Kevin has somehow slipped through the cracks.  I predict that the Tool Academy catches on to his wily ways next week and sends him packing.  He is a smooth talker, though, and I think Jermika will use his top four finish as an excuse to stay with him.

3.  Jacob “JT Extreme”

He’s another one that wouldn’t have gone very far in previous seasons.  It’s too bad that he wasn’t on last season’s show, as he and Giant Tool would have been quite the ‘roid-raging duo.  Instead, we just get to see him pick on smaller guys.  Eventually, his anger will get the best of him and his golden flowing locks will be no more.  His girlfriend doesn’t seem too much better than him, though, so I think she’ll stay with him.

2.  Angelo Giannakos

He’s cried his way into the top four, and I think his over-active tear ducts will carry him into the final two.  He’s owned up to his past mistakes, and he seems pretty committed to really changing.  Maybe it’s all an act, but, regardless, I think he’ll outlast the other two men.  In the end, I think his hot-headed girlfriend could bring him down.  Nevertheless, I don’t see her being the first girlfriend in the final two to leave her man.  They’ll cry together and float away on a river of their co-dependent tears.

1.  Jennavecia Russo

I never would have thought it at the beginning of the season, but I actually think Jennavecia has a real shot at winning the whole thing.   I’m not sure that the changes will stick (I think Angelo has the best shot at making real changes in his life), but within the controlled environment of the Tool Academy, she seems to be making some strides.  She does seem to genuinely love her boyfriend, but I just don’t know if that’s enough to get past the deep-rooted psychological baggage that she seems to carry.  Maybe she can spend the $100,000 on a good therapist.

Tool Academy 3 – Ranking the Women

With each new season of Tool Academy, I become more and more convinced that the tool’s girlfriends (and now boyfriend) are the real stars of the show.  Bandana wearing douche bags are one thing, but the women that cling to them are something else.  So, with my second list, I’d like to honor the women who appeared in today’s episodes, and rank them according to how pathetic they really are.

Note: It was really hard to find pictures of the tool’s significant others.  My apologies.  It was, however amusing that the first picture that came up when I typed “tool academy 3 lesbian” into a Google search was a picture of Shawn Southern from season 1.

7.  Kate Vannatta – Her realization that Tommy needed to address his drinking, and then her willingness to take action are by far the strongest and most mature behaviors I’ve seen on any season of Tool Academy.  Way to go Kate!

6.  Cheron Rice – At the beginning of the season I thought she was pretty pathetic and had no idea why she would stay with someone who shows such disregard for her.  But, she stuck to her guns and ended her relationship with Courtney Barcellos when Courtney couldn’t make it through the Academy.  The image of Courtney running after the limo begging for her to take her back was reality TV gold, and something that I’m sure will give Cheron some satisfaction.

5.  Kyle – Sure, he’s a guy in a role that the show usually reserves for women, but that really shouldn’t matter.  What does matter is that he seems pretty mature and seems to have a clear sense of what needs to change for his relationship with Jennavecia to work.  She seems to be making real progress, and I think he has a lot to do with that.

4.  Christie – Something tells me she might be in it for the money.  If that’s the case, then she’s not pathetic, she’s an opportunist.  If she genuinely wants to be with Jacob, though, then she should be higher on the list.  I’m not quite sure about her, so being right in the middle is the best place for her… for now.

3.  Jermika – On the one hand, it would be a lot harder for her to leave Kevin since they are actually married.  For that reason, I’ll cut her some slack and assume that she’s using Tool Academy as a last ditch effort to save their marriage.  If she stays with him after his inevitable elimination, then she should be higher on the list (probably #1).

2.  Rachel – Her boyfriend doesn’t have a job (he’s 23).  He wants to be in a boy band (he’s 23!).  He expresses anxiety by taking “off my Michael Jackson glove” (seriously, he’s 23!!!).  Giving up women’s clothing was a big step for him.  Despite all this, when he got eliminated she stayed with him.  Sure, she seemed skeptical about him and doesn’t seem completely happy with her decision.  But still – reread all of this and ask yourself, would you even hesitate to dump him?  I thought not.

1.  Dayna – Sure, Angelo seems pretty committed to change.  But the things he said at the beginning of the show were some of the lowest, most disrespectful things that anyone has ever said on the show.  She should have got up and walked out right then and there.  There’s something to be said for helping someone who clearly has some major issues, but there’s also something to be said for self-respect.  She should have walked out on him in week 1.  The fact that she didn’t earns her the top spot on the list.