Reality Ranker

Say it ain’t so Tool Academy. It is the last night of this epic show that has the ability to make mainly women feel much better about their lives because they know that they are lucky enough not to be with the men on the screen. If you are a woman who is into tools, then well, you’re just sad. These guys and gals should act as a warning of the type of people not to be with. I’ll force my future daughter to watch it to let her know which men to avoid, but I digress. It’s the last episode of the season; thus, it is time for some awards.

Best Hair: Jacob Tapia

Jacob’s hair makes him the big burly lion of the Tool Academy jungle. I wish he would wear his bandanna less, so we could see that mane in full force.

Most Pathetic: Kyle

Jennavecia’s boyfriend made himself into the biggest pathetic buffoon last week. His girlfriend is a huge, unrepentant tool and he just can’t figure it out. Before I had thought he had been a stronger person, but after last week, he is officially the worst of the show. He seemed to know how a person should act in a relationship.  So, it’s his fault if he can’t follow through on that.

Most Talented: Daniel

Not only is he known for his wonderful quote: “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife,” but he is the most talented tool. With his glow-stick abilities, he showed how talented a tool can be. Thank you Glow Stick Tool.

Least Talented: Jordan Alexander

He has high hopes for a career, but a) he can’t sing and b) he’s too old. Now, this goes out to Jordan. Here is my advice. Add up the ages of all of your favorite boy band members when they were selling the most albums, divide that by the number of all the boys, and you will realize that you are too damn old to be in a boy band.

Best Break-Up Moment: Courtney Barcellos

When her girlfriend left her behind, Courtney courageously ran after the limo crying and yelling about getting counseling. It was a beautiful break-up moment and one that I won’t forget.

Strongest Woman: Kate Vannatta

After everything, she has proved herself to be the strongest person at the Tool Academy. I still say hooray for her. I wish more women and men on the show would stand up and leave the fools that they are with.

Biggest Turn Around: Jacob Tapia

With his black hair band and luxurious hair, Jacob transformed himself on Tool Academy. Here’s hoping that he has actually changed.

On this week’s Tool Academy, the tools and their mates have to face their friends and family. The tool-mates have to show their loved ones how pathetic they are to stay with their tool. Similarly, the tools have to show their family the levels of their toolitude. In addition, as in previous seasons of Tool Academy, the tools and toolmates have to take care of a “baby.” It’s interesting this year that the tools did not get fetal pigs, but were stuck with plastic babies. Are they tools to heinous to be trusted with animals? This week there will be double list: ranking the lack of guilt shown in front of the parents and the parenting skills of the tools.

Lack of Guilt

3. Jacob Tapia

This Week's Angel

What has happened this week? I mean seriously Jacob broke down and cried. Were my eyes deceiving me? Since hell has frozen over, Jacob has become the front runner on the show. When he cried, he finally showed that he regrets what he has become. I guess good job?

2.Angelo Giannakos

Teary Tool did not disappoint and let the water works begin even before his horrid video was shown. His poor parents, their lack of English hurts their ability to communicate with Angelo. If he speaks Greek, he sure wasn’t helping them understand. He did his usual crying, but it’s starting to be unclear if all of the crying is just an act.

1. Jennavecia Russo

Actual MySpace Caption: Bend over BITCH...Take it like a MAN!

WOW! I can’t believe that this woman has not changed one bit. In previous episodes, she seemed to be maturing, but based on her behavior with her brothel-owning mother, she hasn’t. Instead of facing her problems, she and her family chose to laugh it all off. I like to cheat-hahahaha! Then, why are you even trying at Tool Academy? It was just perplexing.

Best Parents

3. Jennavecia

She is a model of a mother. Petty jealousy over who can take care of a fake baby makes perfect sense. Acting like a fool, cussing, and fighting around your baby are all the things I want to do as a mother. Thank you Jennavecia for your high standards.

2. Angelo

While not as bad, he and Dayna also engaged in bad behavior around their child. Throwing plates is not the best thing to do while holding a baby.

1. Jacob

Again, I’m awestruck, dumbfounded, and I can’t write any more words that can express my shock over this transformation. The winner at this point seems to be a done deal.

Special Note about the ousted Jennavecia: After poking around on the internet, I saw that this is her 2nd reality show.I’m surprised I hadn’t noticed it before. She was on Bad Girls Club 2 with Tanisha Thomas, who is now on Celebrity Fit Club. I’m always intrigued about the crossover reality TV star phenomenon. On the major networks like ABC, crossover is seen as a good thing, but on the cable shows, it is rarely mentioned, unless like Tanisha another show has made you a “celebrity.” One last note, Kyle is a pathetic excuse for a man. That was one of the worst “get in the limo” scenes that I have seen this season. UGH!!

Tonight’s Tool Academy was about trust. It brought us (say in a deep voice) “The Human Lie Detector Test.” She wonderfully revealed the lies that are still spewing from some of the remaining 4 tools’ mouths. Now, I’m not sure if the human lie detector is more effective than the machine, but it nicely switches up the cliched lie detector episode. Too bad that I forgot to write about that one in yesterday’s post.

Before “The Human Lie Detector Test,” the tool’s discussion about the test was pretty amusing. All of them were scared. If you don’t have anything to hide, then there should not be any fears. These tools were shaking in their boots. It was great to see stupid Kevin try to figure out how he was going to lie. Squirm Kevin squirm!

The Worst Liars are:

3. Kevin Craft and Angelo Giannakos

Obviously, these guys do not qualify as the worst liars. It was hilarious to see Dayna hug Angelo after finding out that he had not slept with any of her friends. Good Job Angelo!! Not using condoms and banging random women became acceptable. As for Kevin, despite the editing that made it look like he was going to lie, he finally revealed his infidelity to his wife. I can’t believe he was eliminated. Ughh!! That was the wrong choice. It means I have to go another week watching Jacob.

2. Jennavecia Russo

Her lie seemed pretty minor. Many women would say that they enjoy their sex lives, even though there might be issues. It’s understandable that she felt uncomfortable revealing a sexual problem to Kyle.

1. Jacob

After his pathetic performance, he should be called Compulsive Liar Tool. His comment, “I’m so thankful the truth came out,” was pretty hilarious, since he lied through most of “The Human Lie Detector Test.” His little lies show so much about him. Jacob  is not there to really change. He’s there to play the game, which he’s not even good at doing. He’s so lucky that he hasn’t been eliminated yet.

—Special News—

For the finale, Rachel, the girlfriend of Jordan the Boy Band Tool will be co-writing a blog post with me. Rachel and I will be giving various awards to the tools and their girlfriends. Keep checking back to read this exciting post.