Reality Ranker

"Cliches, I will beat you!!"

Avid reality TV watchers have all begun to notice the cliches that the editors and writers can’t live without. I’m here to rank the least annoying to the most annoying. It’s an important task and I’m just the woman to do it. There are already lists of cliched dialog on the interwebs, but I’m going to take it a step further.  I’m tackling visual, writing, verbal, and editing cliches that are persistent in the genre. Be aware that not all of these exist on all shows, but show up on many.

10. Meeting the Family, BUT One Doesn’t Show Up

Two cliches for the price of one. On most dating shows, there is a family episode. It’s now a trope on Vh-1 dating shows that someone’s family member or friend, the one to vouch for the contestant’s character, never shows up. The contestant has a freak out, usually leading to his/her elimination. This has happened most recently on Tough Love and Rock of Love Bus. It does create some nice drama, but it’s starting to become a bit predictable.

9. Taking Care of Kids to Show Worthiness

Let’s take some crazy kids, let them run around like animals, and have many clueless women attempt to control them. One of these days this test is going to backfire, especially considering the emotional stability of the contestants.

8. The Drunk/The Stripper

Wow! The drunk makes for great TV with lots of stumbling, vomiting, and swearing. Yet this person is now a given. Don’t you expect at least one drunk on a Vh-1 dating show? You can expect that as much as you can strippers. There must be 3 strippers to 1 drunk. Gosh thinking about those stats, the stripper is really the cliche. I’m glad they are getting jobs, but …. I’ll keep my judgments to myself.

7. The Psychic

Every Real Housewife series uses one, as well as every crappy dating show. Frank the Entertainer took it to an all time weird place by using an olive oil reader. We understand psychics might say something interesting about the contestant, but do they ever actually do so?

6. Feigned Surprise During a Twist

When The Biggest Losers and/or Jillian and Bob find out that there is a twist, they all turn into slack jawed yokels. The last minute twist happens all the time, whether on Tough Love or Project Runway. Last minute twists are fine, but can the surprise be a bit more believable?

5. Integrated Commercials

Every show from Millionaire Matchmaker to Project Runway to RuPaul’s Drag Race tries to hock or feature a product in some way. The worst of these, which I’ve written about before is The Biggest Loser. It is one extended commercial, which is sad, since it usually ends up selling processed food, which made those people fat in the first place.

4. Being Too Cocky Means You’re Going Home or Will Look Like a Dumb Ass

The most recent victim of this is Naduah Rugley from America’s Next Top Model. Her over-inflated ego made her unable to take criticism and caused her to constantly make a mean constipated face. Every reality contestant should beware of his/her ego.

3. The Tearful Phone Conversation Means You’re Going Home

I’ve noticed it on Top Chef, Project Runway, and Vh-1 reality shows. As soon as I see this trick, I know that schmuck is going home. For those reality TV editors/writers reading this, because of course you are, stop using this cliche. It no longer works.

2. “I’m Not Here to Make Friends”

The phrase heard a million times on thousands of episodes. There is always at least one person who utters this phrase. Contestants please come up with something new. Perhaps you could say, “My goal is to avoid sustained relationships with these plebeians.” That sounds much better.

1. Sun/Moon Establishing Shots

This damn editing technique has been around since the original Real World. Do we as an audience really need to see it anymore? Isn’t there any other way that time can be represented? Please editors come up with something new!!